How to stop being jealous?

When you get into a relationship, you sometimes can get feelings of jealously. These feelings may be brought on by simple events that cause you to think about your partner and think they are cheating on you. But what’s actually going on and why do you feel this way? More importantly, how do you stop being jealous?


Thanks to Ted Goldring for the above photo (be sure to see more of his great photos)

Jealousy in relationships

The jealousy is a feeling which one person experiences about the other person in the relationship. Jealousy can be toxic for your relationship. If not checked, it could cause you to come across as controlling. In some cases jealousy will limit the experiences for you and your partner.

There is another side of jealousy, I have known some woman who have found it a “turn on” to see if they can invoke jealousy in their men. Sometimes they would flirt with other men to see how their partner reacts. Imagine that (its a true story).

From my point of view, both scenarios are not healthy for your relationship because they create an atmosphere of mutual mistrust and limitation. Let me explain why.

Starting with the second case. If you are the one who is flirting with someone else (other than your partner in the relationship) – this is obvious and causes your partner not to trust you. Although it might work wonders for both your libidos in the short term, the reality is that in the long term, your partner will loose trust in you. Simply put, if you are apart from one another they will be thinking about you. The questions they will inevitably be asking themselves are “are you meeting with someone else?”. I will not focus on this type of jealousy because it seems rather obvious.

The first instance is far more interesting. This is where you feel jealous about your partner. These feeling are caused by your perception and about what they are doing. During your thinking process, you seem to perceive that your partner is doing something wrong. This can lead you to become a sneak and check your partners phone, while they are not looking.

It is you, that is the cause of mistrusting your partner and creating these sentiments, due to your perception. Also in a relationship, although you are together, there should be the notion of individual privacy and respect thereof. Don’t become a sneak.


This probably does not apply to “open” relationships (you know, poly-amorous relationships). Here both partners have an open agreement with one another and see other people, whilst in a relationship. I’m not sure about “all the turtles down” what and why questions here. However in terms of jealousy – perhaps you can find more information about this elsewhere.

Jealousy due to your own perception

I will focus on the type of jealousy that is brought on by your feeling jealous about your partner. You see, perhaps you see your partner messaging on their phone or when you’re supposed to meet, they suddenly cancel and end up being somewhere else.

You feel your mind questioning what is going on and yet, at the same time wonder what on earth are they are doing?

However, there are so many things you may not be aware of. For example, your partner might need to take care of herself and not necessary want to share the intimate details with you. Personal trips may include going to the doctor, going to a cosmetologist or getting that bikini wax done. Woman especially, do a lot more private things to their bodies than men.

As for seeing your partner messaging “someone else”, this could be the way they handle their phone. Perhaps your partner, just is super social and communicates more with more people than you do (including the opposite sex). Again, so many factors. Some woman grew up in environments where they did not have much privacy when they were younger and have habits of wanting to be private (for the sake thereof) and keep these habits. As you know a habit is challenging to change, but also again there could be other things going on, which you do not know.

Perhaps you are at the start of your relationship and don’t know each other that well. This is natural.

How to stop being jealous in your relationship

Actually you being jealous about your partner, says something about you. You are actually insecure. Being insecure is not cool and also not a “turn on” for your partner either. What you should do, is look more at yourself because you are having these insecurities and causing these feelings to effect your relationship.

You don’t want to be limited in life and so I’m certain, you should want the same wishes for your partner too. So limiting your partner is not optimum and ineffective.

If you focus on yourself, you will find that you should deal with your own insecurities. This can be explained rather simply.

If you are always focusing on your partner, then you are not focusing on yourself. Focusing too much on your partner is also a “turn off” especially if you are a man in a relationship with a woman.

Asking yourself “turtles all the way down” questions, will invariably allow you to come face-to-face with a profound question, which goes something like this “What if my partner leaves me for someone else?”. Now that’s a superb question because if you are to be left for someone else, then you have not being good enough to yourself and to your relationship.

You should feel proud and confident in yourself! You are a wonderful person, you are capable of being spontaneous and doing wonderful things. Relationships are fun and require you to do your part.

The worst case scenario

In the end, what’s the worst that can happen? OK, so your partner is actually cheating on you. You have a couple of outcomes.

  • Become part of an open relationship
  • You know you have done all you could and are being just as great as you are. Then, its so simple because they are simply not for you. Move on because life’s too short and there are plenty of wonderful people in the world.


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